synonyms of letting go...

a·ban·don
1. To withdraw one's support or help from, especially in spite of duty, allegiance, or responsibility; desert: abandon a friend in trouble.
2. To give up by leaving or ceasing to operate or inhabit, especially as a result of danger or other impending threat: abandoned the ship.
3. To surrender one's claim to, right to, or interest in; give up entirely. See Synonyms at relinquish.
4. To cease trying to continue; desist from: abandoned the search for the missing hiker.
5. To yield (oneself) completely, as to emotion.

If one relinquishes something finally and completely, often because of weariness or discouragement, the correct word is abandon. (They were told to abandon all hope of being rescued.)

Sadly, this word I feel defines my life right now. Abandon ship. Abandon the effort. Abandon hope. It can't be true, that this is where I've arrived... but it feels that way.

There's another word...

sur·ren·der
1. To relinquish possession or control of to another because of demand or compulsion.
2. To give up in favor of another.
3. To give up or give back (something that has been granted): surrender a contractual right.
4. To give up or abandon: surrender all hope.
5. To give over or resign (oneself) to something, as to an emotion: surrendered himself to grief.

Eventually you get to the point where you're not fighting to hold on to things anymore. You surrender them because it's your only hope of receiving something better, and because it's the only thing you can do.

Things I believed in so much are disappearing into thin air...

Illusions. Maybe that's the word. Castles in the sand that I worked so hard to build, and were so beautiful... and now nothing I can say or do or build can keep them from washing away. Maybe instead of fighting the wave I just have to surrender to it and let it come... and when the water drains away and I can open my eyes again, seeing what's left...

Maybe there will be nothing.

:: “All of our reasoning ends in surrender to feeling”
– Blaise Pascal (mathematician, philosopher and physicist)