plight and flight...

I'm safely across the sea again... Last Tuesday at 12:35 I was beginning my transatlantic journey -- I had the thought during my ten hour flight that maybe going backwards across five time zones might actually give me a chance to catch up with myself...

Six days and three states later I'm still a bit numb. Nothing's changed about my life circumstances except that I've now had to try to explain it to a lot more people. Which means, I suppose, that there are more people praying, and more people caring, and less people I have to explain it to later.

Traveling from place to place this way my I'm struck by how my possessions dwindle (less to carry) but my relationships grow. The less I have to hold on to, the more I cling to intangibles, and the more they actually become tangible. Ties of family and the care of friends turns into something I can feel -- like an invisible blanket surrounding me with warmth and security. Small generosities and acts of kindness amaze and humble me. And I am left feeling forever indebted.

Someone asked me the other day, after the muddled explanation of my current situation, "but are you happy?" I thought about it and said that I was. Even in the middle of this uncertainty and undefineable future, I realize my happiness. It's a quiet sort of stable happiness, that ebbs and flows but is always within view. It's in knowing that my security and richness doesn't dwell in anything that can be taken away. Whatever happens in the next few weeks, wherever I end up, the most important things to me in life are not at risk.

They go with me.

:: "My happiness moves..."