The Global Food Crisis

Those were the 100-pt black letters staring me in the face when I sat down to eat my lunch with the US News & World Report today. Sitting on my back porch in the sunshine, with birds chirping and roses blooming and a fresh salad to savor, I had just been thinking how my life is pretty much perfect. How I'm happier than I've been in a very long time, or at least more consistently happy. And yet how I've had this nagging thought in the back of my mind, wondering if the reason I'm happy is because I'm comfortably numb. Wondered if my state of contentment has anything to do with the fact that as I've settled back into this American life, I've gradually stopped checking CNN every day, and can't remember the last time I visited Alertnet. I have fewer and fewer friends working on frontline projects overseas, and my connections to the reality of "others" has become fewer and farther between.

It's hard. How do you engage with the world right where you are -- be wholly present -- yet remain deeply connected somewhere else?

As I've settled admittedly gratefully into this more normal life, I don't think a day goes by that I don't still hear the echo of words spoken by Dr. Gary Parker... "There must be more to life than the values of personal peace and prosperity." He spoke it humbly, as a statement. A question. His own way of life.

I believe this. I don't want to forget this. I want to live this way.

This year and a half has been about finding peace... freedom... focus for my future. I don't know about the last objective, but the first two have definitely been found, felt and incorporated into the fiber of my everyday life. And I won't let go of them quickly. It's from that place of peace and freedom that I find myself to be most effective and most authentic. And it's my belief that it's from that place I can give the most to the world. I just can't forget that the rest of the world is still out there.

When I left the non-profit world one of my primary objectives was to get to a place where I could give more, do more, for more causes. And amazingly, I think it's coming to pass. Currently I am directly involved with 6 organizations/companies that I share deep motivation with -- to make a difference in the world. And there are a long list of potential others. It's sometimes been difficult to watch full-time opportunities go by and to keep saying no, but as I have pondered these opportunities I keep coming back to the same place... I can do more from here. From this place of freedom, I have so much more to give.

This may be a season or it may be a lifestyle -- I don't know -- but for now it feels right.

blue horizon...

It's mailman weather today, or so he just told me -- not too hot, not too cold.

Spring is in full bloom and the capital city is looking lovely this Tuesday. I'm feeling thankful for life's small things -- like having flowerboxes to water, and blooming trees, and friendly neighborhood mailmen -- ordinary things that have been rarities most of my life...

I'm also feeling thankful for large things, like my taxes being finished and the fact that I had money to pay them... And thankful for priceless things, like the week I just got to spend in the Caribbean with some of my favorite people, surrounded by every shade of blue...

Being still with the sea and sky and stars speaks to me as nothing else can... It reminds me that no matter how obscured the future may seem by the present, the horizon is always there.



:: "Now, bring me that horizon." – Captain Jack Sparrow

observations...

So far, here's my conclusions about DC life:

:: My west coast life was much more relaxing. Or maybe that was unemployment...
:: Two part-time contracts are more work than one full-time job.
:: The closer I am to the nation's capital, the less I seem to pay attention to politics.
:: No one is really from here and no one is really staying here. I fit right in.
:: I heart free art galleries.
:: Cold weather is pointless without snow.
:: My life would not be possible without free wireless.
:: I need more paper, less screen.
:: I need my space. Particularly wide open space.
:: Life is about process and patience. So are relationships.

:: “Fear can stop you loving. Love can stop your fear.” –Morcheeba

east by northwest...

I've landed back on the east coast, after a snowy northern and whirlwind western journey... and so far my world is still spinning. I didn't think it was possible to be this busy in a new place without a full-time job. Except that on days like this one when my two part-time contract jobs collide, I might as well try to be two people...

Coming back to DC this time was honestly difficult. I love my friends here, old and new, and I know this place holds a world of opportunity for me. But there's a part of myself that I left on the west coast... a part of myself still in Europe... and year after year, there's always a part of myself I leave back home in Alaska. Sometimes I wonder, eventually, if I keep moving and leaving bits of myself here and there... will there be any of me left?

Regardless, I'm grateful for the worlds I have, so full of love in so many places. As much as they have required me to give up, they have added so much more. There are doors that close behind, where you know you can never return, but others stay half-open, always inviting and pulling you back...

DC is another door I've gone through... another season to add to the itinerary of my life. For some reason I still haven't quite figured out, it's where I'm supposed to be for now. So I'll put away my mountains and evergreen air with my suitcases, and settle into being in this brick house and monuments world for as long as I need to be.

Believing is enough for now.

:: “Take me north, south, east or west... I guess I'll leave it up to you.” – Over the Rhine

in the deep midwinter...

I'm home for the holidays again... Watching falling snow and mountain sunrises I can even sleep in for... (the good part about short daylight hours).

I arrived home in the dark and this was my first view of the mountains outside the window the next morning.

Just thought I'd share...

coast to coast...

Two months of Tuesday silence is an unprecedented record, I think. No... I did not fall off the edge of California into the Pacific (well, my camera actually did... but that's another story).

I am alive and well after making my way across the country in a leisurely fashion to the Other ocean and the nation's capital -- Washington, DC.

I'm here on a sort of exploration mission, lured by colorful friends and perhaps something a lot bigger, with dreams of new creative purpose and truer living. For the moment I have a half of a room and a whole closet in a corner brick house on historic Capitol Hill, four generous roommates and a few divinely imported old friends, and at least 6 coffee shops with wireless within a 7 block radius.

It's been an interesting three weeks of spontaneous meetings and rainbow chasing and watching the leaves change along with my life yet again...

So far so good.

california...

:: “California is a fine place to live—if you happen to be an orange.”
– Fred Allen

c'est fini...

The heatwave is long over and it's below 60 today... happily for Winston and his parka, and happily for me so I can wear my newly finished wool supersockes. :) They're my first pair knit all by myself (with help from Jolie, my knitting angel/missionary). I finished them this morning and I'm calling them ferry socks... (knit mostly on or while waiting for a ferry.)

I'm finishing a lot of things these days... Books I've borrowed, projects I've procrastinated, toiletries that I don't want to pack... I'm getting ready for the road again – or the air, as it may be. Next Tuesday I'm flying south... to California for a few weeks and to the Midwest after that... By the end of September I'll be all the way East until Christmas.

This fall in DC it will be nice to wear island memories on my feet...

island view...

:: “Maybe that's why we need islands... to remember ourselves. To remember how tenuous and miraculous we are... how we're out-to-sea, surrounded by horizons... how we're, at once, fragile and possible.”
– Sandy Gingras, How to Live on An Island

heatwave...

80s and 90s might not sound that bad to most, but try it without air conditioning... The pets are miserable... I felt especially sorry for Winston -- imagine wearing a parka indoors in 83 degrees. So I gave them both baths. Winston doesn't look very happy with me here, but I guarantee he feels better. :)

stripes and stars...

How I spent my first 4th of July in America in 7 years...

African-Alaskan-American boy...

Congratulations Adam. :) You can read about US citizenship day and other continuing adventures of Adam's family on his mom's blog...

full circle...

Today, as of 10 00 hours Liberia time, the dearly beloved M/V Anastasis/Victoria quietly began her final voyage... to an undisclosed resting place, 150 miles from Bombay, they say...

Months ago when I first heard the sad news of her retirement, I wrote something to help me process my emotions on the subject. Today I'm posting it in her honor as my last “ocean line”...

Buon viaggio, nave di angeli...




introductions...

Given that I've spent nearly four months with them now, I feel as though I should introduce you to my housemates. They are actually more like children... Although I swore I would never turn into one of those women who reverts to pets as a replacement for children, they really do have personalities that make them seem very much like little people.

Meet Winston and Bo. Today I took these portraits (cat and dog, respectively) for their absent family. Winston will stare at you all day but his expression rarely changes... Bo is more animated but it's much harder to get him to sit still for a photograph.

I have to say that although I'm not really a pet person, there's something very heartwarming about having a purring, fuzzy cat waiting at the bottom of the stairs for me every morning, and a wagging, happy dog greeting me at the door every time I come home.

:: “If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans.” – James Herriot

a day in pictures...

Sophie Joy Anderson modeling two of my creations...

:: “A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on.” –Carl Sandburg

queen of may...

Twenty-eight years ago, when I was four and she was the age I am now, my mother got into a little single engine airplane with her two little girls and followed my dad into the Alaska bush to start a new life. A life without phones, or running hot water, or grocery stores... A life with tundra, and bears, and a world of unknowns...

When I remember my childhood, my mother is always there, like the center of our solar system. Making an army quonset hut into a home... Turning a handful of kids into a Sunday School... Defying gale force winds to plant a garden...

Years have come and gone from that place and so has she... but today when I called her, it seemed fitting that she was back in that same little village, still faithfully at my dad's side, still making things beautiful wherever she is.

No matter where I am, home will always be where my mother is.

I love you mom.


:: “Home is where my mother is...”

state of pause...

Okay... even my sister has commented on my blog silence, so I guess it's time I write something, lest all those watching this space start worrying about me.

The silence is not for lack of time, or lack of things in my head. Maybe it's a lack of news. Or the feeling that as soon as I put something into writing it changes. That's probably the same reason it's taken me six weeks to write a life email update that is still unfinished. It'll come eventually. The short version is that my two month island housesitting gig has extended into a few more... and it's working out fine. Better than fine really.

I'm actually okay with this state of pause for the moment. I'm okay with living life a week or a month at a time. It's a freeing and refreshing feeling... But behind it there's also a distinct feeling that at some point I will have to release the pause button and resume...

Until then I'll just be happy with the present.

:: “It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end.” – Ursula K. LeGuin

:: “I hope that real love and truth are stronger in the end than any evil or misfortune in the world.” – Charles Dickens

easter morning...

whatever the weather...

When I tell people I am considering taking up residence in the Seattle area, an amazing amount of first responses go something like, "What about the weather?"

I have this theory about weather. When you move to a sunny place, whenever there's a gray or rainy day you are inevitably disgruntled by the disruption of your fair weather. However, when you move to a place with the expectation it will be gray and rainy most of the time, when the sun comes out you are overjoyed with surprise.

It's all about expectations, you see. Which would you rather be lulled into taking for granted -- the rainy days or the sunshine? Would you rather be surprised by rain or by sun?

In my nearly two months of Puget Sound living, I haven't had a week without at least a little sunshine. And when the sun comes out in the pacific northwest, people know how to enjoy it. There's no staying indoors with the windows tightly closed to conserve the air conditioning... No putting off that picnic because the sun will still be out tomorrow. It's windows flung open and sunny day activities only -- lawn mowing, kite flying, and only absolutely necessary indoor occupations. It's about making the most of a good thing while it lasts.

There's also something satisfying about living in a place where people aren't dependent on weather conditions for their cheerfulness. I'd like to be included in that camp of people who don't read their moods off the weather forecast. Sunshine comes in more colors than yellow -- after all, where rain meets sun there are rainbows... Much of my island sunshine these weeks has consisted of visitors from near and far (wearing specifically the colors orange and green) -- they bring more brightness to my life than the longest day of sunshine.

I read something somewhere about life being best lived by contrasts. It's one of the reasons I want to live where there's four seasons, and unpredictable weather, and people who still know how to appreciate a sunny day.

I probably couldn't prove it, but sunshine is definitely brighter after the rain.

:: "Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine." – Anthony J. D'Angelo


[PHOTO BY RECENT SUNSHINE VISITOR STEPHANIE ZITO]